My Heart Will Choose to Say

I’ve lost a lot this week.

I don’t want to be a downer on my second blog post ever, but it’s been a tough week.

First, I have to give away my sweet dog Zoe. On Friday, the vet called and diagnosed her with several illnesses, the most significant being severe diabetes. Treatment involves twice weekly vet visits as well as daily insulin shots. I love Zoe, but I’m just not willing to make that kind of a sacrifice—financially, emotionally, physically—for a dog. My friend Anna reminded me that every hour I spend sitting at the vet’s office and every dollar I spend on insulin is an hour and dollar that I’m not spending with my family. That really put it in perspective. We found a rescue organization that does rehab with trained medical professionals that’s willing to take her. That seems best.

Then, on Tuesday night, I had a miscarriage. I was almost 13 weeks along and while this entire pregnancy has been shaky, things had finally started to turn around. Just two weeks ago, my doctor saw significant growth and a strong heartbeat so it was shocking to lose the baby so quickly. And, as those of you who have had miscarriages can attest to, a miscarriage is an extremely painful thing—both emotionally and physically. I know I’ll recover, but it’s going to take awhile.

You know that Matt Redman song “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”? Well, we sang it in church on Sunday and right now, I’m repeating the words over and over to myself. “You give and take away… You give and take away. My heart will choose to say… Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name…”

Lord, help me to trust your purposes, even when they seem unclear to me. Help me to walk out of this fog a better mother, a better wife and a woman who sees You even more clearly.

6 Comments

  1. Oh, what a terrible time for you. I'm so sorry to hear that.

    I really enjoy that song, and I don't think I've ever thought of that part as quite so powerful as it is right now in this moment for you. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

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  2. I know that your desire to grow and put your trust in God during this time will encourage all who hear of it. Your heart must be broken, but it is so refreshing to see a woman who is willing to let God work through tough circumstances. I'm praying!

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  3. This post made me cry.

    I really admire you, Erin! Thank you for being so honest, and so desirous to honor Jesus!

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  4. That song has helped me through so much. My heart aches for you on both counts. Blessings as you heal.

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  5. I'm so sorry about the miscarriage and your dog -Hang in there!

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  6. So sorry for the pregnancy loss, I don’t know what I would do if that were me.

    About the dog. It does make me sad that you think that a dog is just a dog. I have two dogs and I’m telling you that I’d spend any number of hours in a vet’s office with them and any amount of time, energy and money on their health care. They are my babies not any different to me than anyone else’s human babies (that being said I’ve never had a human baby) but still they were my first babies and I can’t imagine that I’d ever turn my back on them or walk away from them no matter what. If they were sick that only means they needed me more. I’d do whatever they needed and never just give up on a “dog” and just send them away to a shelter because i don’t FEEL like taking care of them.

    Not saying you aren’t awesome or that you have to feel like I do about dogs, but it really upsets me that you just cast off the family pet when they need you most.

    I also noticed your dog was pregnant in part of your book. That also made me a bit sad considering that dogs should be spay/neutered and not left to get pregnant by accident. Dogs need humans to love and care for them. Just like babies they can’t do it for themselves. I just pray that in the future you don’t get anymore dogs that you can’t afford to take care of both financially and emotionally.

    Sorry to sound harsh, this comes from the ultimate dog lover who just doesn’t get the point of view that it’s JUST A DOG.

    Blessings and Christ’s love to you and yours

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