I don’t want to be a downer on my second blog post ever, but it’s been a tough week.
First, I have to give away my sweet dog Zoe. On Friday, the vet called and diagnosed her with several illnesses, the most significant being severe diabetes. Treatment involves twice weekly vet visits as well as daily insulin shots. I love Zoe, but I’m just not willing to make that kind of a sacrifice—financially, emotionally, physically—for a dog. My friend Anna reminded me that every hour I spend sitting at the vet’s office and every dollar I spend on insulin is an hour and dollar that I’m not spending with my family. That really put it in perspective. We found a rescue organization that does rehab with trained medical professionals that’s willing to take her. That seems best.
Then, on Tuesday night, I had a miscarriage. I was almost 13 weeks along and while this entire pregnancy has been shaky, things had finally started to turn around. Just two weeks ago, my doctor saw significant growth and a strong heartbeat so it was shocking to lose the baby so quickly. And, as those of you who have had miscarriages can attest to, a miscarriage is an extremely painful thing—both emotionally and physically. I know I’ll recover, but it’s going to take awhile.
You know that Matt Redman song “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”? Well, we sang it in church on Sunday and right now, I’m repeating the words over and over to myself. “You give and take away… You give and take away. My heart will choose to say… Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name…”
Lord, help me to trust your purposes, even when they seem unclear to me. Help me to walk out of this fog a better mother, a better wife and a woman who sees You even more clearly.