I love my girlfriends– they’re wonderful and supportive and funny and pretty much the coolest people I know. And I pray that I can be a wonderful and supportive friend to them as well. But right now, I’m having a hard time figuring out how to do that when one of my friends is royally screwing up.
Megan (not her real name) has been married for 11 years and has two precious children. I don’t know her husband very well, but he’s always seemed like a great guy. And, while I know they’ve had their ups and downs in marriage (what marriage doesn’t?), she’s always seemed happy.
Until two weeks ago. When she moved out and moved in with another guy.
I’m still shocked. She called me up non-nonchalantly and asked about my kids and my family and my pregnancy and then she dropped the bomb: “Oh, by the way, I don’t love my husband anymore. The love is gone. And I don’t really like being a mom anymore. So, I left. I’m now living with this guy Matt that I met at work. He’s so funny and wonderful and everything I’ve been missing in a relationship…”
Then: “Erin, aren’t you happy for me?!”
I didn’t know what to say. Of course I want her to be happy but my heart breaks for her husband. Her kids. And the last thing I want to do is condone what she’s doing. I obviously don’t know what happened in her marriage or her life to make this happen, but by telling her I’m happy, I tell her I think it’s okay.
Part of me wants to call up her husband and see if he needs help with the kids or meals or something…after all, he was the one that was abandoned. But she would KILL me. And part of me wants to just stay away from her until she comes to her senses. And part of me wants to take her out to coffee and ask her why.