To My Kids’ Wonderful Preschool Teachers

To My Kids’ Wonderful Preschool Teachers

  Almost nine years ago, I dropped my precious firstborn off for his first day of preschool.  He wore a brand new outfit that I had painstakingly picked the week before– one that would look great in pictures and still withstand a potential paint mishap.  He had a personalized nap mat– his name embroidered in blue thread across the bottom of a green hand-stitched cow.  His lunch was packed in tiny Tupperwares– all healthy fruits, vegetables and lean proteins cut into bite-sized pieces– and a tiny note that had a picture of me holding his hand was tucked next to his tiny cheese cubes. He was ready. But I certainly wasn’t. I had spent the night before tossing and turning– worrying that he might take too big of a bite of cheese and choke or that he might get bullied on the playground or that he would spend his first day huddled in a corner, afraid to even interact with the other kids.  But I put on my brave face and I handed him off to his teacher.  I bit my lip to hold back the tears and raced back to the parking lot where I sat in my car and sobbed. My baby.  What was going to happen to him? Today, I dropped my equally precious albeit not nearly as prepared youngest off for his last week of preschool.  He wears stained hand-me-downs that have his brother’s and cousin’s names on the tags.  He carries that same nap mat– the one personalized with his brother’s name– the threads now torn and the cow stained.  His lunch is full...
Throw Out Your Old Ratty Underwear (And Other Things You Can Do To Make Your Man Smile)

Throw Out Your Old Ratty Underwear (And Other Things You Can Do To Make Your Man Smile)

  I am the worst at underwear. I have been ever since I got married.  My friends threw me this lovely wedding shower where I received dozens of pairs of lovely underwear and bras and what did I do with them?  I put them in a drawer.  With a cute little sachet to make sure they smelled fresh.  And there they sit fifteen years later because, well, those old cotton underwear with the little mugs of hot cocoa on them and the frayed waistband are just. so. comfortable.  And, honestly, why would I wear a thong if I could wear…. the cocoa panties. My husband has never seemed to care, but when I started working on Hot Mama, my co-author Kathi Lipp had a little talk with me.  And by talk, it was a come-to-Jesus-and-get-yourself-some-new-underwear kind of lecture.  Apparently if I’m going to write a book about sex, then I need walk the walk and wear the panties, too. So I very grudgingly headed to my underwear drawer. “Throw out anything that is grungy, dingy, has holes, is frayed, or that you’ve had in your drawer since 1996,” she told me.  And so I did.  And I had three pairs left. Sad, right? Three. Pairs.  And I want to be really clear that I’m not saying the cocoa underwear weren’t functional and totally fine, but if I’m going to try to be all Hot Mama in 2016 (and I am, aren’t you?) I had to make some changes. So it was shopping time. I headed to True & Co first because they have this cool “find your perfect underwear”...

It’s 9:38 am on Mother’s Day. Here’s What I’ve Heard So Far.

1.  “Good morning mama!  We were going to wake Daddy up so you could sleep in but he was grumpy so we woke you up instead.”  — Kate 2.  “You smell like a bakery.” — Joey 3. “Daddy is taking too long in the bathroom. Can you just make breakfast for him instead? We’re tired of waiting.” — Kate 4.  Kate: “Will, you go in and distract mommy so she won’t see us making breakfast.” Will: “What should I do?” Kate: “Just act really wild and wrestle with her in bed so she doesn’t get bored reading all alone.” 5. “Mommy, does dark chocolate give you hiccups?  Cause if it does, can eat it for you.” — Will 6.  Kate: “Do you need anything mommy?” Me:  “Sure, how about some coffee.” Kate:  “You’ve got it.”  (Runs into the other room) Kate: “Daddy, what do you do to make coffee?” Cam: “Just stick a little pod in and press brew.” Kate: (Screaming!) The coffee machine is broken! On Mother’s Day! Now Mom can never have coffee again.” Cam: “You didn’t turn it on.” 7.  “You are pretty as a rose and sweet as a lollypop.”  — Kate   (Note:  We *may* need to work on descriptive writing skills.) 8. “Why do I have to clear the table off?  Mom is sitting right there!”  — Joey 9.  Will:  “Can I use your iPad?” Me:  “I’m reading a novel on it.” Will:  “You’re just reading.  Why can’t I use it for something more important?” 10.  “Do you want to go to Burgerfi for Mother’s Day lunch after church?”  — Joey   Happy Mother’s...
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