What It Looks Like to Be a Hot 30-Something Mama



• We know how to rock a scarf (to cover up the baby food stain on our favorite shirt.)
• We’ve mastered the quickie (because 15 minutes is the exact amount of time that all our kids as asleep at the same time on any day.)
• Our underwear are full of holes (because taking three kids to the mall to try on panties is otherwise known as an extremely effective form of torture.)
• Our idea of a romantic dinner is Mac & Cheese (but when we’re sharing it with our husband, we put it on the fancy plates.)
• We know how to plan the perfect date night (dinner at a taco stand, something chocolate and home and in bed by 8:45. Babysitters are expensive!)

Our culture tells us that we have to look like Halle Berry and act like Taylor Swift in order to be hot. Magazines tell us we need to lose fifteen pounds. Facebook tells us we need to buy $64 shirts at Anthropologie. And reality TV tells us that being hot is downright impossible if you are a day over 21.

So what’s a 30-something mom to do?

Stop listening to everyone else.

And start listening to me.

Because you, my friend, are beautiful, smart, savvy, amazing, talented and yes, even hot. Whatever place you are in your life and whatever you look like, you need to have the confidence to say “I am a hot mama! Yes! Me!”

As we launch our new book Hot Mama: 12 Secrets to a Sizzling Hot Marriage, Kathi and I want to get together with all of our Hot Mama friends and show the world exactly what a hot mama looks like. And that starts with us telling the world that we are confident enough to love our husbands and embrace our relationships in the way that God intended. As the Hot Mamas that He created us to be.


So what does Hot Mama look like for me?

My Hot Mama Marriage: I have been married for fifteen years and if I’m being honest, I’m in the place where the honeymoon phase and the post-honeymoon phase and the post-post-honeymoon phase have all worn off and, well, we are tired. Not necessarily of each other. But three kids, a dog and a mortgage can be really exhausting. And the time we once had to invest in each other is now invested in worthwhile pursuits like making sure the sprinkler system isn’t leaking. But I’m trying. This year, my goal is to invest, invest and invest some more. And I’m hoping my investment in him will pay dividends with another honeymoon phase in year 16.

My Hot Mama Bedroom: When we first got married, we slept on a double-sized mattress on the floor. We couldn’t afford a box springs or bed rails so we literally plopped an old mattress his parents had in their attic on the floor, covered it with an old sheet and called it our love nest. Romantic, right? Now that I’m a big girl and am in my 30’s, I have a real bedroom set with a real headboard, a real mattress, a real set of sheets and even some decorative pillows. We have curtains in our room. We have candles on our dresser. But we also have clutter. There is a pile of 14 kids books next to my bed as I type this and a stack of laundry a mile high (I have affectionately named it “Mt. Laundry”) on my floor next to the bed. Oh, what I would give for a lovely, sexy retreat. Someday, right?

My Hot Mama Exercise Routine: I absolutely go to the gym. Quite frequently in fact. This has very little to do with my quest for a hot body and much more to do with my quest for girlfriend time, but alas, I go. My wonderful girlfriends meet me at the gym two or three times a week and we generally sneak into one of the unused exercise studios and do a workout routine that someone found on Pinterest. We blast 80’s billboard hits (hence the private exercise studio) and gab about life, kids and yes, our husbands as we work out.

My Hot Mama Clothes: I do occasionally order a Stitch Fix as a treat. And I have a few pairs of rocking jeans that my husband bought me over the years. (He has a knack for finding the perfect pair of jeans without my having to try them on. Stay back ladies, he’s mine!) Still, most of the time, I wear yoga pants. Or leggings. And I know that goes against everything that I said us Hot Mamas should do in 10 Quick Fashion Fixes to Feel Confident and Sexy but I’m an addict. I’m guilty. I need to join a yoga pants support group. Anyone want to volunteer to help me?

My Hot Mama Nights: Okay, so we’ve watched Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 12 of the last 14 nights. We generally put the kids to bed around 8, then head downstairs for some “us” time which usually means both of “us” sitting on the couch watching TV until one of us gets tired and trods off to bed. If one of us follows the other, well, then, you know. But I have to say that often times we’re just too tired and lame to do any thing other than kick back in our flannels. But I want to change this. I want him to come downstairs to find me in my lacy things, not my flannels. I want to watch him, not TV. Maybe I should just cancel our cable?

My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges: What hinders my sex life? There are three main things: Joey, Kate and Will. Kids can really put a damper on sex, especially when they always seem to need just one more glass of water, just one more game of UNO, just one more… well, you get it. My kids are still young, which means they never really leave the house without me. And we never really get a free moment alone. In the intro of Hot Mama, I talk about my friend who has nooners (Yes, nooners!) while her kids are at school and I am totally in awe of her. I may need to try that this school year. Of course, that requires my husband being able to break away from his job. I wonder if I ask him if he’ll be able to rearrange his lunch duty…

My Hot Mama Confidence: Ladies, we’re going to have to have a serious talk about hormones. When I had my first baby, I was 27 and I had my pre-pregnancy jeans back on in two weeks. And I had doughnuts every day between his birth and my first weigh in. Now I gain ten pounds by simply looking at a doughnut. I’m not sure what has changed, but something has. It dawned on me yesterday that this might just be the crest of the hill—like I may never get my hot pre-kid body back. And I have to find a way to be okay with it. It’s a bit of a blow to my confidence these days to look in the mirror, but it’s also a bit of a boost to my confidence when my husband thinks I’m beautiful regardless of the stretch marks, the saggy boobs, the bum wiggles. Pray that his voice wins over so I can keep my hot mama swagger. Because I may not look like Taylor Swift, but I do look like me.

And I’m hot, right?

See what my amazing co-author Kathi Lipp has to say about being a Hot Mama in your 40’s.

What does YOUR Hot Mama look like? Copy and paste the following categories into the comments, fill in the blanks and tell us what you look like as a hot mama. Post and you’ll be entered to win a free copy of our new book, Hot Mama: 12 Secrets to a Sizzling Hot Marriage.

My Hot Mama Marriage:

My Hot Mama Bedroom:

My Hot Mama Exercise Routine:

My Hot Mama Clothes:

My Hot Mama Nights:

My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges:

My Hot Mama Confidence:


  1. My Hot Mama Marriage: just having celebrated our 8th anniversary, and realizing that we can’t ALWAYS go away for the weekend to celebrate; enjoying how we can celebrate at HOME WITH children. letting them see the ways we celebrate with cards, gifts and reminiscing with video and pics of the wedding and honeymoon. trying to be intentional about us time after kids are down, and again, being OK with staying in b/c as you said, sitters are expensive!
    My Hot Mama Bedroom: goal to make the bed each day, and keep the clutter out, so when we enter in the evening, we could more easily be enticed to use it for more than just sleep :)
    My Hot Mama Exercise Routine: lots of ‘trying’ to be intentional about a lot at this phase, including at least going on walks each morning with the baby in tote when we drop big sis off at school.
    My Hot Mama Clothes: trying to go beyond the sweats/work out clothes and actually doing my hair, make up and coordinated outfit on each day. i too have realized my after kid body has settled in, and i’m learning to settle in to it as well. my next step is letting go of the items in my closet that don’t work for my new body anymore, and embracing the close that do.
    My Hot Mama Nights: turning off the tv and turning on each other. :) making sure we invest in each other, not just veg next to each other.
    My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges: you said it. tired. if we can go to the room earlier, or just give in even if it’s late – i always sleep better afterward anyway :)
    My Hot Mama Confidence: in my efforts to get ready each day, I’ve been hearing my husband compliment me more and more these days. it’s definitely motivation to keep it up. i know i feel better about myself when i’m ‘ready’ as well.

    Great post! Thanks. Look forward to reading the book.

  2. My Hot Mama Marriage: 10 plus years, one husband, two children, and one mortgage… We are glad we don’t have another. You can decide what I mean. :-)

    My Hot Mama Bedroom: A dedicated journey to keep the clutter and children out of the room!

    My Hot Mama Exercise Routine: Doing exercise videos that I borrow from the library. Yes, my little ones climb all over me while I try to exercise. I probably get more exercise lifting and moving them than from the videos, but every bit counts.

    My Hot Mama Clothes: Yoga pants. I need to buy more of these, but then I’ll have to join your support group. Let me know when it starts.

    My Hot Mama Nights: Falling asleep while I read to the children.

    My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges: Did I mention the falling asleep part?

    My Hot Mama Confidence: He still thinks I’m hot even when I wake up in the morning in the little one’s bed still wearing the yoga pants from yesterday because I fell asleep while reading to the children. :-)

  3. My Hot Mama Marriage: Celebrating our 10th anniversary next week! We have 2 kids and an assortment of pets.
    My Hot Mama Bedroom: Well, let’s just say I read Kathi Lipp’s Clutter Free and the bedroom is a lot nicer than it used to be.
    My Hot Mama Exercise Routine: Ha ha ha!
    My Hot Mama Clothes: I am now and have always been a jeans and tee-shirt kind of girl. I don’t see that ever changing.
    My Hot Mama Nights: My hubby and I like to watch Netflix together after the kids go to sleep. Believe it or not, it gives us something to connect about when we find a show we really like. Then we make inside jokes together all day long.
    My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges: I bought Hot Mama for a reason!
    My Hot Mama Confidence: I have a very supportive and loving family and I’ve always believed in myself. I feel great!